


Destiny

by hyukimchi



Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Angst With A Happy End, Attempted Suicide, Boys Kissing, Bullying, Dongmyeong finds himself ugly, Dongmyeong hates himself, Giwook is Dongmyeong's saviour, Homophobia, Hwanwoong too, M/M, Panic Attacks, Strangers to Lovers, a lot of heavy topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukimchi/pseuds/hyukimchi
Summary: When he now looked at himself in the mirror, especially right after they came home, makeup still on and stage outfit covering his body when he was too lazy to change, he smiled at himself. If someone would have told him a few years ago he would like himself someday, he would probably have laughed. He never did.That was, until he met Lee Giwook
Relationships: Ju Harin/Kang Hyungu | Kanghyun, Lee Giwook | Cya/Son Dongmyeong, Son Dongmyeong & Yeo Hwanwoong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> TW: This deals with a lot of heavy topics such as homophobia, violence, self hatred and suicidal thoughts. If you cant deal with such topics please dont read or be cautious. 
> 
> Otherwise have fun reading! Its my first longer Oneshot and its a lot angstier than anything i have done so far so i hope its okay heheh

Dongmyeong stood in front of the big full body mirror they had in their bathroom. This used to be a place he hated the most. He hated having to see himself in it every time he had to use the bathroom in their dorm. He didn’t want to look at himself most of the day and was more than once close to just shatter it. 

When he now looked at himself in the mirror, especially right after they came home, makeup still on and stage outfits covering his body when he was too lazy to change, he smiled at himself. If someone would have told him a few years ago he would like himself someday, he would probably have laughed. He never did. 

That was, until he met _Lee Giwook._

_Autumn 2016_

“Fucking faggot!”

He spat the words out and Dongmyeong felt something break a bit more inside him. He was cowered on the floor, the three boys surrounding him and hands pressed to his ears so he didn’t have to hear them laugh about him. The whole school was looking at them, they had turned their gazes towards the group when Dongmyeong hadn’t had the strength anymore to bite down the cry of pain he felt as the tallest of the boys had slapped him square across the face. But they didn’t help him.

He didn’t understand why they were attacking him. He hadn’t done anything. He never did anything, he didn’t even know these guys. He knew they were on his school, one class above him, but he didn’t _know_ them. They had randomly started targeting him one day. Dongmyeong definitely remembered that day. 

It had started ‘harmless’, the group of boys had pushed him around, _accidently_ pushing him into the lockers for _looking stupidly_. Dongmyeong still didn’t understand how one could look quote on quote ‘stupidly’ but he apparently did and they didn’t like it. Didn’t like him. And it just got worse from there on.   
It even got so far that they started stealing his stuff, throwing around his journal in class, reading out of it until everyone was laughing about him. That was also the time he involuntarily came out to his whole school. 

The pushing around had becoming punching and now it came as far as that Dongmyeong had to apply makeup on his face to hide the marks they left on him. 

But nobody ever helped him. He always was alone. The few people that had talked to him before had stopped entirely when the bullying started, they didn’t want to be targeted as well. Dongmyeong understood, he wouldn’t want anyone else to go through what he did every day. 

And here he was, outside on the school ground, everyone was looking at him as he was pushed to the ground and punched in the face by the three guys that were his main bullies. One was spitting on him, one was emptying his backpack above his head. And the whole school was watching them. At least they were. Dongmyeong had closed his eyes at some point, he tried to just will everything away. Maybe they would actually disappear. He just sat on the floor, knees pulled up and head on his knees until…

Until it stopped. At first he thought they had finally killed him, or at least punched him unconscious so he didn’t have to live through his own misery anymore. But that wasn’t the case. He was fully conscious but he couldn’t feel any punched, any pushed. Nothing. All he heard were distant voices, people were shouting.   
He slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw were three guys standing in front of him. But these weren’t his bullies. He had never seem them before in his life. They also weren’t looking at him. The three boys had their backs turned to him, standing wide and strong, as if they were…protecting him. 

Dongmyeong didn’t have the strength to talk and especially not to stand up. But his hearing cleared up, he finally understood what the screaming was about.   
“Go out of my fucking way, dumbshit. Why are you even standing up for that faggot?!”, the tallest bully growled and Dongmyeong couldn’t help but flinch. The three boys, however, didn’t seem fazed at all, the smallest of them even smirked and scoffed quietly. “You assholes seriously don’t have anything better to do but bully an innocent boy? What are you? Five? Y’all are pathetic!” The boy giggled, he didn’t seem afraid at all. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, head cocked to the side. Dongmyeong could see his bullies fume, they looked like they were about to leap forward towards the boys and Dongmyeong wanted to say something, he wanted to warn them, anything, but his throat didn’t let him form words. All he could was watch with big eyes. Watch how these boys stood up for him. He felt tears brim in his eyes. 

“I’m telling you one last time: Move the fuck away or we will get you too.”, his bully screamed, seemingly angry. The strangers still didn’t move expect for the tallest of them. He took a step forward, closing in with the tallest bully. He was a few inches taller than him and his eyes were emotionless, he looked scary to Dongmyeong and if he wouldn’t stand up for him right now he would probably be scared of him. But he felt strangely safe, for the first time in months.   
“If I were you I would leave the boy alone and fuck off. You don’t want me to get angry”, the tall stranger growled and for the first time ever, Dongmyeong saw his bullies hesitate. The boy gulped and took a step back. He glanced at his friends and then at Dongmyeong with a glare that could only be described as furious. Dongmyeong flinched as he spoke.   
“This is not over, Son.” 

And with that they were gone, running into the school’s building. The tall stranger threw a glance around and just like that the crowd that had formed around them started to disappear, everyone going their own ways, whispering to one another. Dongmyeong was still sitting on the floor at a loss for words. Did this really just happen. He suddenly felt really tired and his legs gave up, making him fall to the side. He suddenly felt a pair of arms around him, picking him up and sitting him down on the nearest bench. He recognized the tall stranger, the smaller boy and a blonde boy right behind him. Up close he could see the strong eyebrows and small eyes, the sharp jawline and black short hair. The stranger had really distinct feature. Dongmyeong wondered if these boys were on his school because he surely would have recognized them before. 

The boy gently let him down on the bench and Dongmyeong got his vocal chords to form a croaked ‘thanks’, his throat still hurt from crying. The stranger smiled at him and then moved to the side so that the smallest of them all was now standing in front of Dongmyeong. He had a kind smile on his lips and he sat down next to Dongmyeong, surprising him when he took his face into his hands and gently inspected his wounds. 

“These assholes really got their way with you, eh? Why didn’t you fight back?”, he mumbled before he looked at his blonde friend that was rummaging in his bag. The boy pulled out a small first aid kit and handed it to his friend that was quick to pull out some bandages and a cleaning spray. “This will sting a bit but it will be better afterwards.”   
Dongmyeong just stared at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened in awe.   
“W-why?” was all he could say, staring at the boy next to him. The brown haired boy raised an eyebrow before attending back to Dongmyeong’s wounds. “What do you mean ‘why’? You were in obvious pain and these idiots were punching you like a sand sack. Was I supposed to just stand there and let you take it?”, he scoffed, looking at his friends, “What would that make us? Definitely nothing better than them.” 

Dongmyeong swallowed heavily, shoulders hanging slowly. “Nobody helps me. They just look.” His voice was small, nothing more than a whisper. He flinched when the boy carefully sprayed the spray onto his wounds that weren’t surrounding his eyes. The purple haired boy shook his head. “Then they are just as stupid as those assholes”, he looked into Dongmyeong’s eyes, smiling crookedly, “I would step in any day if that means I could save you.” He winked and Dongmyeong felt his ears heat up.   
“I don’t even know your name”, Dongmyeong mumbled. The boy chuckled quietly. “I don’t know your name either. But if it calms you down, my name is Lee Giwook”, he pointed at the taller one of his friends, “This is Ju Harin”, and then at the blonde one, “and this is Kang Hyungu. We are going to the neighbour school.” 

Dongmyeong gave the boys an acknowledging nod, letting out a small ‘aah’. “M-my name is Son Dongmyeong”, he whispered and smiled but it didn’t look as happy as it probably should. When Giwook was done with his wounds, he let go of Dongmyeong’s face, still smiling.  
“Well I hope, those idiots will let you alone now”, he said cheerfully, standing up from the bench. Dongmyeong couldn’t supress a bitter laugh. He lowered his gaze to his hands that lied on his lap. “T-they will probably never stop.” Dongmyeong could feel tears back in his eyes but he didn’t want to cry. Not in front of these strong boys. He could cry in his room when he was alone. 

Giwook frowned, throwing glances at his friends before he looked back at Dongmyeong. “How long are they bullying you already?” Dongmyeong shrugged. “Probably since school started.” That made Giwook frown even more. “Why aren’t you talking to your friends about it? Or teachers?” Dongmyeong sighed, familiar heat of a panic attack rising in his chest. “I-I don’t have any…friends- I-“, his voice broke out and he gasped for air, his chest suddenly felt restricted and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Maybe the bullies had finally smashed his lungs.   
He could feel hands on his shoulder, forcing him to sit up from his crouched forward form. His head snapped up and he looked directly into Giwook’s almond eyes. “Breathe with me”, he mumbled and Dongmyeong couldn’t do anything but nod helplessly, still gasping for air. They breathed in deeply and Giwook forced him to hold his breath before they breathed out together. They continued until Dongmyeong started breathing normally again and Giwook smiled at him. “There we go, good job.” He sat back down next to Dongmyeong, lying one arm around his shoulders. “You know what”, he grinned widely, looking at his friends, Dongmyeong followed his gaze, looking into Harin’s smiling face, “we will be your friends from now on. Those assholes will definitely leave you alone if you are with us. They are way too scared of Harin hyung even though he is actually a big softie.” Giwook giggled at the last part but Dongmyeong couldn’t help but gasp. The other two gave affirming mumbled and Dongmyeong saw Hyungu smile for the first time since he met him. 

Dongmyeong couldn’t believe what he just heard. They wanted to be his…friends? _His friends?_ He stared at Giwook in disbelief. “What are you talking about?” But Giwook just grinned.   
“Let’s be friends! You seem like a nice guy and we would gladly be your friends!”  
Dongmyeong frowned. These boys, these strangers, wanted to be his friends even though they didn’t even know him. 

“Aren’t you…disgusted?”, he mumbled quietly, Giwook almost didn’t catch it. Almost. The boy furrowed his brows. “Why the hell would we be disgusted?” Dongmyeong gulped. “B-because I-I’m…gay?”   
Dongmyeong had expected a lot of reactions but he definitely hadn’t expected _all three boys_ to laugh. And to surprise him even more, Giwook wasn’t the first to answer him.   
“Oh Dongmyeong, we would probably be the last to get scared away by someone being gay”, the tall boy lied an arm around Hyungu’s waist, pulling the blonde boy into his side and Dongmyeong understood. He gasped quietly, turning back to towards Giwook who was still giggling quietly. 

“You really don’t have to worry about that. This will never be a problem with us, remember that.”

_Summer 2017_

When Dongmyeong had started hanging out with Giwook, Harin and Hyungu he had never expected to form a band with the three he now called his best friends. He had even less expected himself getting so attached to especially the younger boy (he had found out that Giwook was two week younger than himself and he had found it adorable from the get-go), hanging out with him basically every day after and even in school (Giwook didn’t really care for his own education and Dongmyeong was happy to have him around during breaks). 

But what he would have never expected was Giwook kissing him at night in a small park that was near the room they held their band practices at. 

They had hung out like normal. Dongmyeong and Giwook often just lied around on the mattress in their practice room even without the other two. Dongmyeong didn’t really like staying home and Giwook was happy to keep him company. They sometimes held little jam sessions with Giwook playing guitar and Dongmyeong singing to it. He had always have a passion for singing but he had never felt confident with it until Giwook had once heard him and practically begged him to sing in his band since they really needed a vocalist (as much as he liked Harin and Hyungu, they were, by no means, vocalists and Giwook preferred rapping). Of course he had said yes. As if he could say no to anything Giwook asked from him. Dongmyeong had also learned how to play the keyboard in the time and he would say he was pretty decent now. 

But on this particular day they were just lying around, talking about anything and nothing and just enjoying each other’s companies. They were both wearing their most casual clothes, Giwook had literally not seen a reason to get out of his sweat pants he had worn at home and Dongmyeong had forgotten to put on any makeup (it had become a habit of his, he felt safe with that extra layer on his face. Only light makeup or he would get punched again and Giwook wasn’t always with him to protect him). Dongmyeong had his head lying on Giwook’s chest, looking at the ceiling. It was a normal thing for them. They had become cuddly and touchy with each other rather fast. Dongmyeong had quickly learned that Harin and Hyungu weren’t the biggest cuddler (if it wasn’t them by themselves, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and Dongmyeong thought their love was beautiful even though he made sure to fake gag every time he saw them kiss) but Giwook enjoyed cuddling and holding hands and Dongmyeong was happy to oblige. He hadn’t had a good cuddle in what felt like years so he was more than happy with this arrangement they had. 

At some point of the evening Giwook jumped up, suddenly stating: “Let’s go outside!” And so they had gone outside, holding hands in Giwook’s hoodie pocket. Dongmyeong wouldn’t normally hold hands outside but it was already late and there weren’t any people in the area. He could make an exception. It didn’t save him from the blush on his face though. Giwook insisted on buying some food and making a late picnic in the park nearby. They had a spot there they would always go to: a bench near the lake that was flowing through the middle of the park. And that was how they ended there, chips in Dongmyeong’s backpack and two cans of soda in their hands. Conversations flowed naturally between them. Dongmyeong couldn’t even remember what they were talking about but that wasn’t necessary, he could talk about anything with Giwook. 

They sat on the bench that was illuminated with lights from above and the moon, creating just the right atmosphere for what Dongmyeong didn’t expect to happen.   
“And then Hyungu spilled Harin’s drink all over his new phone. Oh my god, hyung was so mad at Hyungu but I couldn’t stop laughing, it was so funny”, Giwook laughed, infecting Dongmyeong with it. They were both laughing loudly, not caring if they were bothering anyone late in the night. Dongmyeong couldn’t even remember how long they were sitting there when Giwook suddenly sighed, making Dongmyeong look at him. 

The younger was looking at the stars. Dongmyeong smiled softly. “Are you thinking about something?” Giwook didn’t look at him, kept starring at the sky with a smile on his lips.   
“Do you believe in destiny?”, the boy suddenly asked, making Dongmyeong laugh in surprise. “Why are you asking?” 

The younger lowered his gaze and took one of Dongmyeong’s hands that were lying on his lap, smile never leaving. “Sometimes I think about how we met. We were just passing by and I saw you and I just had to step in. And sometimes…sometimes I think that destiny wanted us to meet right there and then”, he looked at Dongmyeong, “don’t you think so too?”

Dongmyeong smiled, squeezing Giwook’s hand softly. “I don’t know what would have happened if you guys didn’t help me”, his smile turned sad, “I don’t know what I would have done when I came home that day.”  
Giwook stared at him, mouth slightly agape, breathing heavily. “Dongmyeong…”  
“But we did meet and I, too, think it was destiny. I’m really happy I met you.” 

And then happened what Dongmyeong hadn’t imaging even in his wildest dreams. Giwook let go of his hands, just to take a hold of Dongmyeong’s face and before Dongmyeong could say anything the younger was kissing him. It was just a press of lips against his own but it made Dongmyeong’s whole body feel like it was on fire. He didn’t know how long it took but his body seemed to move on its own, pressing closer to the younger, his arms wrapping around Giwook’s neck. He was moving as on autopilot. He didn’t know how much time passed, in this moment he didn’t even know if he actually liked Giwook in this way but what he definitely knew what that all he wanted _in this moment_ was to kiss Giwook for as long as he could. 

They parted after what felt like years, both breathing heavily and grinning dumbly. Giwook still held his face in his hands, softly caressing Dongmyeong’s cheek bones. “Wow”, was all he could say, or better pant out. Giwook giggled. “Yeah, wow, indeed.” Dongmyeong laughed quietly. “Where did this come from?”, he asked.   
“Dongmyeong, I…I really like you for a while already. I never knew how to tell you”, Giwook lowered his gaze, he suddenly felt nervous, “I don’t even know if you like me, _like this_ , but I couldn’t stop myself”, he looked up again, grinning his crooked grin, “you just look so beautiful today.”

Dongmyeong laughed loudly. “Liar!”, he exclaimed, punching Giwook’s shoulder playfully. He knew how he looked. Giwook smiled sadly.   
“I’m not lying, you’re always beautiful to me, no matter what time of the day.”

Maybe one day Dongmyeong would understand what he meant with beautiful.  
Maybe one day Dongmyeong would really believe in destiny bringing them together.

_Spring 2018_

Their band was doing great. Well, as good as a self-formed band could be. They had expanded from four of five members, they had met Yonghoon on a small festival and Harin had somehow got him to join their band. Yonghoon was a lot older than them but neither of them were bothered by that, the older had been a fixed part of their friends group faster than anyone could have imagined. And Yonghoon was probably the best vocalist Dongmyeong had ever met making him feel self-conscious more than once. He didn’t tell anyone though because it was stupid. He knew he shouldn’t feel jealous of Yonghoon’s abilities. So he didn’t even tell Giwook about it even though they probably knew everything about each other. Well, almost everything.

Dongmyeong and Giwook’s relationship was doing great too. But they kept it a secret to most people. The only people that knew were Harin, Hyungu and later on Yonghoon because Yonghoon had the weird ability to find out anything without trying. Not that Dongmyeong didn’t want him to know. He trusted Yonghoon. He trusted all of them. The people he didn’t trust were everyone else. 

So when they got the offer to join a company as band he had his first panic attack in months. 

The letter arrived at Hyungu and Harin’s apartment since Hyungu was the original leader of the group. They had called everyone immediately, practically screaming into Harin’s phone for all of them to come over as fast as possible. When they all gathered in their living room they had opened the letter from RBW with the offer in it.   
Everyone had been beyond excited, especially Giwook and Yonghoon since it always had been their big dream to become idols or live of their music.   
Everyone was excited, also Dongmyeong. But he could also feel anxiety rise in him.

 _A company? Us as idols?_ Would that even work? And what would that change?  
Dongmyeong felt his breath quickening as his friends around him started cheering. Hyungu and Harin were hugging on the floor, Yonghoon was jumping excitedly up and down and Dongmyeong didn’t realised Giwook was watching him.   
“Hey, baby, is something wrong?”

Suddenly, everything was quiet except for Dongmyeong’s loud breathing. His friends were staring at him in confusion, making him panic even more. He felt arms that wrapped around his waist and he was pretty sure that they belonged to Giwook but his eyes couldn’t focus and his lungs didn’t get enough air through all the gasping he did.   
His mind was racing. This was all too much. Was he even ready to become an idol? Did he even want to become an idol? Yes, they had talked about and yes, they all wanted to live off the music but being a trainee? He knew that would be hard and he was happy with his life right now. Did he really want to risk that?

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet: “Baby? Breathe, please.” And so he did. He leaned his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder and tried to breathe in normally. It took him some minutes to calm down just enough to get a clear mind again. He looked into his friend’s faces, all of them looking concerned. “Is everything fine, Myeongie?”, Yonghoon asked quietly, reaching out to grab his friend’s hand, squeezing it tightly. Dongmyeong nodded slowly. He squeezed the older’s hand as well. 

“Yeah, I…isn’t that overwhelming for any of you?”, he asked, eyes wide. Giwook’s grab around his waist tightened. Hyungu gave him a sympathetic smile. “Of course it is. But isn’t this what we all ever wanted?” The other’s nodded. Even Dongmyeong. “But it’s also…scary”, Dongmyeong mumbled, hiding his face in Giwook’s neck. Hyungu giggled. “It is but if we don’t try we will never find out, aren’t we?” They nodded again.

And Hyungu was right. They had to try to find out. They all loved the music and to live off the music would be everything they wanted. And they were ready to do so. And Dongmyeong was probably ready to try. At least he was ready to persuade himself to believe so. If he was actually ready?   
He wasn’t sure. 

_Autumn 2018_

Being a trainee was hard. But it was fun and Dongmyeong wouldn’t have thought he would actually enjoy training with his four best friends to become an actual kpop band.

But Dongmyeong had fallen into old muster. And nobody realised. 

Before he met Giwook he wasn’t able to look at himself without feeling disgusted. He had hung up mirrors wherever he could just so he didn’t have to see the face that was so bruised and ugly to him. Giwook had helped him out of that. He had told him every day how beautiful he was and that no scare could change that. No bruise that were still coming but that Dongmyeong could handle now. And he had started to believe him.

But that was before he became an idol. That was before he had to always look his best and before there was so much pressure that he sometimes thought he suffocated under it.   
People around him were perfect, even his band mates were perfect, but he wasn’t. And people were to make sure he knew so. 

And sometimes Dongmyeong thought he couldn’t take it anymore. 

Now he was in one of the bathrooms in the company, in full makeup and outfit he had to try on for their first live stage and his breathing was rigid. He was staring at himself in the mirror and instead of seeing the man Giwook fell in love with all he saw was a boy, in full make up that still couldn’t hide the ugly insides. He hated himself. People made him hate himself. For his looks, for his sexuality, for his identity. And nothing could hide that.   
His eyes filled with tears, some rolled down his face, ruining his makeup.

He had fought with Giwook that day. He couldn’t even remember what it was they fought about but it was stupid and Dongmyeong hated to fight with his boyfriend. But it happened more often since they joined the company. Because Dongmyeong couldn’t trust anyone anymore. He couldn’t trust himself anymore. And Giwook really just tried to help him, comfort him when he cried, hold him when everything seemed too much. But Dongmyeong couldn’t stand that, he couldn’t stand the younger being so nice to him when he hated himself so much that it hurt him every day. And it hurt even more when he had to see the younger sad when Dongmyeong pushed him away one too many times because the younger’s hugs became a place he didn’t think he deserved anymore. 

He was a mess. 

And then he punched the mirror. The glass shaddered in front of him, some cutting his hand, most of it falling into the sink in front of him. And Dongmyeong screamed. He didn’t even care if someone heard him, he just screamed. He looked at his first, covered in glass and blood and he sank down, crawling back until his back hit the whole. And he broke down. All the emotions that had built up in his chest flowed out and he felt like he was choking. All the hatred was flowing out and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, throat constricted.   
He pulled on his hair, the pain distracting him for a second but it didn’t stop. The tears didn’t stop and his screams didn’t stop. 

He doesn’t know when but someone found him on the floor, already half unconscious and he felt arms around himself before everything went black. 

_Winter 2018_

He met Hwanwoong after his first therapy session in the company. 

It took the CEO and Giwook a long time to persuade him to see the companies own therapist. Dongmyeong had always told himself and the others that he didn’t need it. He could help himself. But after Giwook had found him for the fourth time, crying and begging to just end everything in their bedroom he had had enough. Dongmyeong couldn’t help himself. And that was probably true.   
But he also wasn’t sure if the therapist really helped with the raging hatred that was deep inside of him

What helped him in the end was, indeed, not the therapist. 

He met Hwanwoong in the outside area of the company, the area that was restricted from all public and where they all could be themselves outside the building. He sometimes came here just to think, or to just do nothing. He didn’t have to think when he was out here. He made sure nobody was there when he was coming here to actually be alone. But on this day he wasn’t alone, Hwanwoong was here, a cigarette in hand and eyes focused on the moon. 

Dongmyeong had half a mind to just go again but something stopped him. He couldn’t say what it was, maybe it was Hwanwoong’s presence, maybe it was his own stupidity. But in the end he was happy he didn’t leave. 

“Did you finish your therapy session?”

Dongmyeong froze in place, still standing at the entry of the little garden. He opened his mouth to say something, maybe gasp, but Hwanwoong was faster. The man gave him a slight smirk, patting the place next to him. “I see you exiting his door often. Don’t worry, I was there too at some point. It’s nothing to ashamed of.”

Dongmyeong hesitated for a second before he started walking, sitting down next to the man. “I’m Hwanwoong”, _Hwanwoong_ pulled on his cigarette and released the smoke back into the air, “and you are?”  
Dongmyeong gulped. “I’m Dongmyeong.” Hwanwoong nodded, grinning crookedly. It painfully reminded Dongmyeong of Giwook and he remembered that the younger was waiting for him to come back. But something told him he and Hwanwoong weren’t done here just yet.

“You wanna tell me why you are with Mr. Jung? It’s fine if you don’t want to though, I’m not forcing you.” Dongmyeong took a look at the man who was still looking at him with that crooked grin. He looked like an idol. And even though Hwanwoong was tiny he radiated all the energy Dongmyeong wished he had. He took a deep breath.   
“I…”, he started but the words didn’t want to leave his mouth. He watched as Hwanwoong threw his cigarette to the floor and stepped on it before he lied a comforting hand on Dongmyeong’s thigh. “Take your time.” 

Dongymeong took another deep breath. “I, ehm, tried to kill myself.” The words weren’t loud but Hwanwoong heard him nonetheless. He smiled. “Funny. Me too.”

Dongmyeong’s eyes widened. “What is funny about that?”, he asked in disbelief but Hwanwoong ignored him, looking back to the moon.   
“You are from the band right? Everyone is talking about you guys. I heard you are really good. Especially the young one”, Hwanwoong looked back at him with something in his eyes that Dongmyeong couldn’t recognize, “what’s his name again?”  
“Are you talking about Giwook?”, he asked, confused. Hwanwoong nodded, staring back up. “Ah, yeah, that is his name. He is your boyfriend isn’t he?”  
Dongmyeong gasped, staring at Hwanwoong. _How did he know? Nobody knew about that!_  
Yes, he had to tell his CEO about his sexuality and he was told very directly that they should definitely keep that a secret. But he hadn’t talked about his relationship with Giwook. He wasn’t ready to give that up. So how did Hwanwoong find out?  
“H-how…?”, he stuttered, no real sentences leaving his throat and Hwanwoong giggled. “I could tell at the way you two look at each other. Our practice rooms aren’t that far from each other. You may not know me but I have seen you. He takes good care of you, doesn’t he?”

All Dongmyeong could do was nod before Hwanwoong continued. “That’s good. Why do you wanna die then when he is taking good care of you?” And Hwanwoong was staring at him with a serious expression he hadn’t seen from the man before. He seemed upset about Dongmyeong’s own thoughts and he couldn’t understand why. They didn’t even know each other. 

“What?”

Hwanwoong sighed. His hand left Dongmyeong’s thigh.   
“I know how you feel. At least I knew how you feel. If I think about it now, I can’t really understand it. But I did back then”, he smiled, “I’m a trainee for a long time and I know how hard it is to be gay and in this entertainment. But I also know how much of an idiot I was back then to think it would all end with me just bleeding out wherever I tried to kill myself. Do you believe in destiny? I do. And that my mates found me that day must definitely be destiny because otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now to tell you that everything you’re going through is tough. But not worth killing yourself. Have you ever thought about your band mates and how they would feel with you just disappearing one day? How your boyfriend would feel? He help you, didn’t he? I bet you didn’t. I haven’t either back then. But I wanna tell you right now, whatever you are worrying about: It’s not worth dying for. You can cry, you can scream, you can break things but whatever you do. Don’t die.”

Dongmyeong didn’t know when he started crying but he could feel single tears stream down his cheeks and he quickly tried to wipe them away but Hwanwoong was faster. “Don’t. It’s okay to cry. Just let it happen. It helps.” The smile on his face was so sincere and it made Dongmyeong cry even more but also formed the tiniest smile on Dongmyeong’s lips. The first sincere smile in months. 

“Now go back, I bet your boyfriend is waiting for you. And if you want to talk to me, I’m out here a lot, just come meet me here after your sessions and I can tell you more about my story if you want to.”

And so Dongmyeong left Hwanwoong alone in the garden to go meet with Giwook and the other’s at their practice room, dried tears on his cheeks and a smile on his lips. The younger developed him in his arms as soon as Dongmyeong stepped a foot into the studio, asking him where he was and why it took so long. Dongmyeong didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around Giwook’s neck, burying his face in his boyfriend’s neck and he started crying again. He thought about was Hwanwoong said.   
He was an idiot. 

_Begin of 2019_

It was February and he hadn’t told anyone about his conversation with Hwanwoong. He also didn’t tell anyone about the little meetings he had with him every now and then. It was his little secret. He went to therapy and after that straight to the garden to talk to Hwanwoong. It was their thing and it was Dongmyeong’s true therapy. Hwanwoong showed him how to trust himself again and how to trust other people. 

And even though Dongmyeong didn’t talk about it, he knew that Giwook had noticed his change in behaviour. He had just chosen to not say anything, being the good boyfriend he always was.   
And Dongmyeong thought it was time for him to be a good boyfriend as well.

They lied in Dongmyeong’s half of the bunk bed, Giwook’s arms around the older. Just how it had been before they joined RBW. They didn’t talk but the silence, for once, didn’t suffocate Dongmyeong. For the first time in a long time he liked the silence, the warmth that his boyfriend gave him. And it gave him the courage to finally speak up. 

“I have to apologize to you, Giwook.” 

At first, the younger said nothing and a faint feeling of anxiety felt Dongmyeong’s chest again but Hwanwoong had told him how to deal with such situations. So he took a deep breath, sat up and looked at Giwook. The younger’s eyes widened, seeing the determination in his boyfriends gaze.   
“Why would you need to apologize?”, the younger finally asked, holding one of Dongmyeong’s hands in his. Dongmyeong took another breath. 

“For trying to kill myself. More than one time. For hating myself, and in the end, for being a bad boyfriend to you all this time. I want to apologize for that.”  
Giwook stared at him and shuffled to sit up. His mouth opened to speak but Dongmyeong was quick to raise a hand to stop him. He wasn’t finished yet.   
“Yes, I went to those therapy sessions but they didn’t help shit. All they did was open up old wounds that I thought were closed already. But they weren’t. They never were. You didn’t see it, I didn’t see it either, but those scares and wounds never left my face. At least in my mind they were always there. I felt so ugly, Giwook”, Dongmyeong took a deep breath to collect himself, feeling how Giwook encouragingly squeezed his hand.  
“You were the first one that made me feel beautiful. With or without makeup. But as time passed, as we joined the company, I felt like I was suffocating. All the makeup and lights and people suffocated me until I forgot how to love myself again, forgot everything you taught me. And the only way out was to end everything. Now I know what an idiot I was.”

“You know Hwanwoong right? You met him these days, right? I know him for way longer than you guys. You were my first saviour, and he was my second. I met him after one of my therapy sessions and he showed me that dying isn’t the only way out. And he showed me how god damn unfair this all was to you and the others. So that is what I really wanna apologize for. For making you go through all of this. I know now that I was selfish but I got better because of Hwanwoong, because of the others and especially because of you. Because I care for you, Giwook. I tried to change for you. I just needed the right push.”

Dongmyeong ended his explanation and the first thing he realised was Giwook crying. He panicked for a second, eyes going wide, but then Giwook laughed, making Dongmyeong sigh relieved.   
“You truly are an idiot, Son Dongmyeong.” 

And he kissed him as if it was the only thing in life that mattered. And Dongmyeong was reminded of Giwook and Hwanwoong’s question. _Do you believe in destiny?_   
He wasn’t so sure before. But yes, this was destiny. That Giwook, Hyungu and Harin had saved him on that one day. That Giwook had kissed him on that bench. That he met Hwanwoong in that garden. All of that was destiny and it was beautiful. He finally started to understand that it was destiny that he, right now, was here in Giwook’s arms, kissing and forgetting everything around them. Nothing mattered. Only Giwook. And that was beautiful.

_Now_

“Myeongie, are you ready?” Dongmyeong groaned, fixing his lipstick one last time before he opened the bathroom door to reveal a smirking Giwook. Dongmyeong rolled his eyes. “Do you need to pee?”, he asked, grinning brightly. Giwook scoffed but Dongmyeong didn’t oversee the light blush on his cheeks. “No, I just wanted to know when you are ready.” Dongmyeong laughed quietly. 

“You know that this masterpiece”, he gestured towards himself, basically presenting himself in front of Giwook, making his boyfriend laugh, “needs its precious time. Don’t hurry me.”   
The younger took a step forwards, snaking his arms around Dongmyeong’s waist and pressing a chaste kiss to Dongmyeong’s neck. The older shuddered. He loved these small gestures from his boyfriend. 

Every time he wore makeup his boyfriend made sure to not ruin it, ruin all the work Dongmyeong put into looking his absolute best (at least not directly). Not because he thought he needed to but because he wanted to. It made him more confident and he felt like a certain strength from getting dressed up and looking his best for Giwook. He could probably spent hours in their bathroom, getting ready for the day and would come out with big eye shadow and bright cheeks and glossy lips and he would still smile at himself in the mirror. Makeup wasn’t his hiding place anymore. He more saw it as a tool to bring out his hidden strength. 

“You know that I think you are beautiful even right after waking up, precious”, he mumbled before pressing their lips together in a slow kiss. Dongmyeong’s arms wandered around Giwook’s shoulders as if automatically. They parted after a short while, smiling at each other. “Hm, do I?”, he asked playfully but giggled quietly when Giwook started frowning.   
“You know I always find you beautiful, idiot.”

Dongmyeong smiled.

“Yes. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @hyukimchii


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